Impatient
I was going to write something about how i'm impatient. Actually i wrote out some huge post, but then i deleted it all. It just made sense to, because the minute i typed out the words "love life" I was so disgusted, i deleted everything.
Something isn't right when i type those two words. I thought i was impatient with 'it', but i realized that i'm not. I'm quite paitent, it's just that i'm starting to doubt things. I think i need to talk to somebody, but i've single handedly aliened anybody worth talking to. I did one of my depressive moments, and she thought it was about her, when it really wasn't. Well anyways i've got work tomorrow. I think i'll call somebody.
By the way i saw the strokes in concert last night.
Null Mood,
Sunday, October 06, 2002
Any Given Saturday
Yesterday I woke up. Funny it's how i always begin my stories. Well one day i woke up ... or Suddenly i awoke. *chuckle* funny it seems like everyday if i get up, then something will happen to me. Well, by the time i woke up that day, the a small piece of it had passed already. I didn't care, i didn't have anything to do that day. I wasn't looking to do anything either. I think i needed quiet time for myself. No saddness, just reflective. But i wasn't doing that either. I was in a very dream like state. All i could do was stare outside of my windows with unwavering eyes. It was almost trance like but more tranquil. My glazed eyes were only for the clouds that day. I must have spent an hour or two watch the winds push the clouds accross the sky. They seems to glide so effortlessly. When it seemed like the sky had run low on clouds that day, i had something suddenly jump into my head. It wasn't a sense of loneliness, but a very reassuring thought. The thought that i won't be lonely forever. And when i'm no longer lonely, moments like these will be even more golden and worth cherishing than ever. Moments where you wake up and you don't need to get out of bed right away, moments where you and and your loved one can just be still for a moment and live with your head in the clouds.
Then i manged to mouth out these words. "Even if my heart shall stop, it will always flow with love"
Later that day, life was fine, but another thought popped into my head. This one not as pleasent as the earlier one. It's something i tried to push out of my head, but i couldn't. Syl, I'm worried about her. She's a good friend and i suddenly recieved a sudden sense of worry and dispair. I hope she's alright and i'm just worried for nothing. I'm going to email her, that's going to make me feel better. heh, i feel like a mother of sorts.
Did i tell you once? that i had gone off to university. It was the middle of the first week. I was busy with frosh, and my mother was cutting up vegtables for dinner. Then she stopped. It had suddenly kicked in. "Oh my god, my son is in university! What am i doing?" When she told me that, i was started to laugh on the reason that i didn't understand and i thought she was insane. It's clear that i'm the insane one now. heh. it's the small ironic twists in life that get you to chuckle. In my opinion we all don't chuckle enough. The world doesn't need laughter, just chuckles.
I feet at peace, something i don't get much, but i should always remember when i have my darker days. I said something else that day. "The sun won't always shine, but it will shine again." I feel like the hallmark card machine. Sappy, sentimental and such. I kinda like it, i need more of it.
Enough from me. I've got an email to write.
Shine
Yesterday I woke up. Funny it's how i always begin my stories. Well one day i woke up ... or Suddenly i awoke. *chuckle* funny it seems like everyday if i get up, then something will happen to me. Well, by the time i woke up that day, the a small piece of it had passed already. I didn't care, i didn't have anything to do that day. I wasn't looking to do anything either. I think i needed quiet time for myself. No saddness, just reflective. But i wasn't doing that either. I was in a very dream like state. All i could do was stare outside of my windows with unwavering eyes. It was almost trance like but more tranquil. My glazed eyes were only for the clouds that day. I must have spent an hour or two watch the winds push the clouds accross the sky. They seems to glide so effortlessly. When it seemed like the sky had run low on clouds that day, i had something suddenly jump into my head. It wasn't a sense of loneliness, but a very reassuring thought. The thought that i won't be lonely forever. And when i'm no longer lonely, moments like these will be even more golden and worth cherishing than ever. Moments where you wake up and you don't need to get out of bed right away, moments where you and and your loved one can just be still for a moment and live with your head in the clouds.
Then i manged to mouth out these words. "Even if my heart shall stop, it will always flow with love"
Later that day, life was fine, but another thought popped into my head. This one not as pleasent as the earlier one. It's something i tried to push out of my head, but i couldn't. Syl, I'm worried about her. She's a good friend and i suddenly recieved a sudden sense of worry and dispair. I hope she's alright and i'm just worried for nothing. I'm going to email her, that's going to make me feel better. heh, i feel like a mother of sorts.
Did i tell you once? that i had gone off to university. It was the middle of the first week. I was busy with frosh, and my mother was cutting up vegtables for dinner. Then she stopped. It had suddenly kicked in. "Oh my god, my son is in university! What am i doing?" When she told me that, i was started to laugh on the reason that i didn't understand and i thought she was insane. It's clear that i'm the insane one now. heh. it's the small ironic twists in life that get you to chuckle. In my opinion we all don't chuckle enough. The world doesn't need laughter, just chuckles.
I feet at peace, something i don't get much, but i should always remember when i have my darker days. I said something else that day. "The sun won't always shine, but it will shine again." I feel like the hallmark card machine. Sappy, sentimental and such. I kinda like it, i need more of it.
Enough from me. I've got an email to write.
Shine
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